Friday, September 09, 2005

Even the "right" thing comes with drama

I told CT today that I intent to tell my Hero about our tryst. He reacted about as I expected. He doesn't see "why I should bother?" My Hero would be "better off not knowing". "It's gonna get out because my Hero has a big mouth". I addressed each of his concerns. Why should I bother; because I am not comfortable the lies that I have told. I did what I did. I had no obligations to my Hero then, nor do I now. He asked, so I am telling; and should have when he first asked. As far as him being better off not knowing, if he asked me about it then I know he is prepared to hear the answer. That is one solid thing between us; if we don't want the answer to something we don't ask it.

The concern about my Hero having a big mouth is amusing to me though. CT and my Hero have history. CT used to be involved with the chick that my Hero later got involved with. No big deal, men do that kinda thing and the two of them aren't "friends" anyway, just associates. But my Hero let me in on how it went down...turns out CT hooked the two of them up, to get her out of his hair once he became serious with his girlfriend. So, that plus a few other tidbids of info, lowered CT's credibility when it comes to my Hero. He's never wanted me involved with him anyway. So, I don't quite believe when he tells me "something he's heard". One thing I feel confidant in is that when I confront my Hero about something, i get the truth, and anything I've asked him about has been discounted in some way. Anyway I've digressed. I got it in my head that this would make for prime opportunity to see if this "big mouth" theory is true.

I know my Hero is gonna want to ask CT about it once I tell him because he just asked CT about it last week and he told him no. So yes I am gonna confess to my Hero. And I am gonna tell CT I have chose to not tell him. Although his current girlfriend was not then at the time, I'm going to go under the guise that I don’t want it to get back to her. I am confidant that if I tell my Hero not to say anything, that he wont. So even though I am proving the point to myself, I am proving it to CT too.

All I want to do is the right thing by ME, whom is most important. This here is exactly why I DON'T LIE. Had I just told him when he initially asked me, I wouldn’t be going through all this silliness.


Blogger LivingSingle said...

I agree, honesty is usually the best policy. So if you feel like Hero can handle the truth, then by all means tell him.

4:28 PM  
Blogger Soul Searching said...

I can't stand to lie, so I totally get this. I had a little fling before M and I were loving each other, and it was with a friend of his. I felt horrible not being honest with him, so I told him about 3 months later. He was upset, but understood and we never talked about it again. Then one day about a week before he decided to leave he brought the affair, as he labeled it, up in an argument...this was 3 years later. Not a mention of it a single time since the day I'd told him. I was completely blindsided by it. I'd thought it was behind us and didn't matter, but apprently the thought was still in his head.

Whatever decision you make will be the right decision for YOU, and it sounds like you've already thought about it a whole lot. I personally couldn't stand the feeling i had holding it in, but after the break-up i found myself frequently wondering if it would have been different if i hadn't told him that.

Too bad we can't read ahead in the book to see if it ends the way we want!!

2:13 PM  
Blogger obifromsouthlondon said...

lying and truth economical the same thing? you could go ahead and tell, or keep mum. difficult call from a male perspective. I've been behaving lately so I ... I've become regular? scratch that.

7:55 PM  

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