Thursday, September 22, 2005

Girl Crush

Ever since I have accepted my sexuality, I have developed on crush on a girl at every new job I have started. The last job I held here in Atl before I moved away, I developed a crush on C. C embodied everything in a woman that I was attracted to. She was pretty, but didn’t flaunt herself; she was stylish in her own low key way. In fact her style, personality, everything about her was low key. She wasn’t into clubs, she liked ot stay home and just chill or go to the movies, or the park, stuff like that. At the time, I was still married. And I felt guilty for having a crush on her. Because I really, really liked her. And for a minute it didn’t feel like it was going to go away like it usually does after a couple weeks. My crush on C lasted a few months. But it did eventually go away, and I was able to be “just friends” with her. And she became a very good friend of mine. AS I went through my separation and impending divorce, she was someone to lean on when I just needed to talk. And then I moved away. When I came back, I spoke with her once, and then she dropped off the face of the Earth. At least to me she did. She left the company we used to work for, I heard from an old coworker, and her cell was disconnected. She was lost to me.

Yesterday, I saw her logged on to IM, and I spoke on the off chance she might really eb there. I’d seen her name light up occasionally before and spoken but never got any response. After about an hour, I quit expecting her little box to flash and I closed the window. About an hour or so later, I got “Who is this?” Before the excitement hit, I responded “Q4L”. it could’ve been anyone asking who it was. The “Heyyyy Girl!!” was my Go sign to do my happy dance. I finally got my C back. She was busy at work so we only chatted for a second. Today she hit me up though, not long after I got in to work. I was so happy to have found her and to catch up with her. The weird thing (or I guess not so weird, but more unexpected) was that my feelings for her were back. Not as drastic as before, but I found myself hoping that she and her long time girlfriend has split. She is the only woman that I have ever met that I could see myself in an actual relationship with. However, her relationship is thriving and I am glad (sorta…lol). It amazed be though. I had no idea finding her again would turn those feelings back on. I found myself anticipating her responses in the same way I anticipate those from my Hero when we chat on IM. I am glad to have my friend back, and just as they did before, the feelings will pass. It’s worth it to have a true friend.


Blogger uzuri.afi said...

I am happy you found your friend. Wow I had no idea that you were bi-sexual. But don't worry, although I dont support the lifestyle, I dont judge anyone and I won't discontinue reading your blogs or anything you are a very warm persona dn I am glad I found yoru blog. I hope everything goes well for you and I am still root ing on you and Hero.*smiles*

2:58 AM  
Blogger obifromsouthlondon said...

*smiles* bisexual huh? don't worry I dont judge ... talking rubbish now. you are Q4L and thats all that matters lol.

It's always harder for men to deal with the sexuality thing than women. we don't look at it as manly pondering. shame but thats how it is. I once had a girlfriend who, out of the blues, announced she wanted to eat pussy - wish I could blog about it :(. not irony, no sarcasm, nothing. it's what she wanted. indulged her big time. but the whole think got me thinking about sexuality. I'm straight but get kicks from lesbian acts so what does that make me?

glad you found your friend. x

6:18 AM  
Blogger Soul Searching said...

Damn girl, now you got me over here wishing I had a girl crush!!! lol I had one once about 6 years ago, but once we finally got naked I completely froze. Damn. Over the years I've always wished I hadn't, but my cute little friend had moved far away by the time I'd developed comfort with my own sexuality.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Quest4love said...

@blaiq and obi - thanks for the love ya'll glad ya'll can still love Q4L good, bad and

@soul - i don't know anyone who found themselves comfortable with their sexuality with ease, but you find a way to love yourself for who you are. i found my friend...your

3:40 PM  
Blogger stranger said...

I love reading about girl crushes and yours is a nice story. Sometimes I just wish mine would get somewhere. I suppose some people are fated to adore from discreet distances...

6:16 AM  

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