Friday, September 23, 2005

Weakest Link

So here what pisses me off. Between the asshole of an ex-husband and a job that fails to pay sufficiently, I haven’t been stable in over a year now, which lapses into the time that my hero and I have been together. And in him playing the role he chose for himself early on, he helps me out when I need. And I an eternally grateful for it. I work hard, I am busting my ass to find a new, better, higher paying job. I am college educated, and smarter than the average ( not by my own words). So that struggle alone tears at me all the time. Him providing for me, no matter how small or large always eats at my pride. Yet, She sits up in his house all day. She too is college educated and of an age where I would think she’d be mature enough to bee looking for a job. The six week after baby period has come and gone. And yet my Hero is having to make her go out and look for employment. What kinda crap is that? How can you just live off someone that doesn’t want to be with you? It’s obvious that she’s working off the idea that the longer she doesn’t work the longer she’ll have him. And she’s right, because without him she is homeless, and of course being the mother of his child he is not going to just put her out. And I wouldn’t expect him to. It’s just disgusting to me that a grown ass woman would stoop to that level to keep a hold of something that isn’t there. And what makes it even harder for me is that he basically has to support the both of us; not nearly as much for me as for her, but it’s still double duty for him. And makes me feel that much guiltier about it. I know playing the ‘shoulda/coulda/woulda’ game doesn’t change anything but I know if we both could go back, there would be some things that we wouldn’t have done. We’d be in quite different places right now.


Blogger Butterfly Jones said...

The six week after baby period?!? Dayum gurrlll. That's not a lot of time to spend with your baby before going back to a full-time gig. I would cut the girl some slack. That's his baby, he chose to support her decision in having it, he chose to live with her and as far as your concern for your Hero's wallet, he's doing what he wants to on all fronts so I wouldn't sweat it.

4:03 PM  
Blogger uzuri.afi said...

I will have to second that = comment six weeks isnt that long, 6 monthes isnt that long. After having a baby there is a bit of attachment, post pregnancy depression even, and its hard for most women to get up and do anything. Even care for that baby. There are even cases were women murder their children around this time because they are so discouraged. Then you have to worry about a reliable baby sitter and all that jazz. I can only imagine how hard it is though, I've watched my sisters and cousins go through things like that. if its two still may not even be enough time...she might get out of her baby slum when that child is going into kindergarten then she can get back on her feet. I do agree I think you should cut her some slack, and count your blessings that Hero is just a good man, and being a good man might sometimes mean that he will need to dedicate time to other responsibilities and other people even. Though he may not be with her, nor she with him, they have an unbreakable something there, its that child. Still a good read though, got my attention, which is what I like. Blessings ma, and hang in there. -Danni aka this could give you time to get out some more and just chill with other people too.

10:47 PM  
Blogger Quest4love said...

ladies - i know ya'll are right. i am admittedly stingy, spoiled and but please, i dont wanna even think about two or three years of this...*sigh*

3:44 PM  

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